Dear survivor,

Dear survivor,
   That's what you are. Not a victim. A victim is usually believed to be dead. But you are here. And you are alive. And you somehow were able to make it out. Even though some days you may feel like you haven't made it out. I myself am a survivor. I've never once called myself a victim and I correct people when they call me that. I just don't like it. I feels weird. I am quoting this on Christmas eve 2015. Fifteen years exactly to day when I was raped. Its one of for times that I was raped by my older brother when I was 12 and he was 14. The only "date" and one I  know when it happened was today. I won't go into detail because the point of this is to do the opposite of triggering people. I want to be able to help and let you know that it might be hard but you can live a normal life. I still face struggles and have flashbacks and days where I don't want to move. I get suicidal. I cry. Ive been hospitalized. But I also don't let my perp see those things so that he doesn't think he won.  Like I said it was my older brother. For 7 years I didn't speak a word to him. Until I had my first born. Then I slowly let him back into my life. It didn't take until earlier this year for me to finally tell my parents about all of the times and seek counseling and go to a group for people who have been raped. I also emailed my brother calling him out and basically demanding an apology. Which he gave me in a phone call within 10 mins of the email being sent. It was good to hear an apology and some what of a reason as to why he did it. There's still no excuse for it but I'm at least able to start the process of forgiving. I know most survivors don't get that from the scum of the earth that hurt them and I personally know that doesn't help in the healing part. But you don't need it in order to move on. You can do this.  You are strong. This was NOT your fault. Your clothes didn't make him rape you. The way you were dancing or acting or the amount you drank dodnt make him rape you. If you said no and they did it anyways then it is not your fault. Don't keep silent. It may be scary to tell people. They may not believe you. They may turn against you. But they might also be there 100% and help you.  Those who don't believe rape survivors are just as bad as rapists. Your voice matters. Speak up. Get help. Write it out. Forgive when and if you can. Dont let  the scum control your life. Don't let them win. You've got this. You're not alone. You're NEVER alone. There's many more of us out here for you willing to help. All you have to do is ask.

Love,
   A survivor