We are still alive....kinda

Um......yea. So its been....A WHILE!!!!!! Where to start? Mr. Tristan is now 10 months old, has 6 teeth and is CRAZY!! We knew he would be. I mean look at who his parents are :D He is crawling like no other. Hes getting into EVERYTHING!!! He thinks he is old enough to walk and walk up the stairs. But he doesnt quite understand the whole getting back down thing. At night or nap time he sticks his butt up in the air and wiggles around and flops back and forth. Half the time hes completly out. Hes my funny kid. He also recently got a yeast infection. It was more panful for me then him. Johnny started school today at I.T.T Tech in Murray. He is going into web design and video programing. I love my little nerd. I have still been dealing with my usual problems. Then some. My migraine went away fo a little while. Then 2 weeks ago they started again. I had to et another MRI on friday for a follow up. It was horrible. They were supposed to give me meds for sedation...but...they didnt. The did an iv and drew blood and put saline in me but no meds. About 5 mins into the scan I started feeling claustrophobic ad started having a anxiety attack. So i pushed my little ball to have them stop and all he said was its almost over. Um...30 min later and I had to go get a xanax. I was furious. I actually started crying!!! Ive also gotten another UTI and followed with a yeast infection. Our laptop screen is broken so no pics. But soon it will be a picture overload.

The pig has attacked!!!!!!!!!

Yes. Tristan and Johnny have been struck with Swine Flu. Tristan got it first way bad and then johnny started feeling symptoms. Tristan started out with a 102 fever and it only got hotter and hotter. He reached 104 at one point. They got him started on tamiflu, tylenol, and motrin. Then on fri he wasnt eating or having wet diapers. So after trying to get him liquids we finally tool him into the er. They got him on some anti nausea meds and finally got him to eat. Now his only problem is not being able to breathe. He is so congested. We are slowly just getting through it. Lets hope I can keep staying clear of it. I need to take care of my two babies :D For Halloween I found a elephant mask and it was the most amazing thing bought for .50 cents. Ha. Tristan was my skeleton. I ept calling him skeletor. Johnny was a swine flu victim. haha. He wasnt feeling up to dressing up. George was a football player. Because of the sicklings we only took pictures. I just realized I took my sleep pill and Im starting to slowly go. One last thing. I recieved another concussion last night. Ill explain in details next post. Lets just say it involves a rusty nail, a chicken and my head :D

Be prepared for a long one.......

Since my last post a lot has happened. In the last one I mentioned my depression and how its getting bad. Well its only gotten worse. I have had a lot of different stressor's on my plate. Then I talk with a friend and a whole ton of stuff was brought up and I think it just threw me over the edge. I started feeling very suicidal last wed night. I wasn't feeling emotionally suicidal just chemically. My heart was saying its not worth it, your family and friends love you, Tristan needs you, it's selfish. But my brain was saying your worthless, no one needs you, take some pills, drive off the mountain, go die. I knew deep inside I wouldn't do anything but then again the feeling was so strong to do so. I was at the time staying in Heber with a friend and she talked me outta being dumb and kept me sane. But I left her place without saying bye and when she texted all I said was I still wanted to die. She said get to a hospital or Im calling the cops. And stubborn me told her to screw off. Only making matters worse. I blew up on her and said a lot of things I shouldnt and now we arent speaking. She wants time but its hard cuz shes my bestie. But time is what she wants and I'm gonna respect it. If you read this Im sorry I said those things and still want to be friends. If youll have me back that would be awesome. If not, I understand. Anyways. So I went to John's work and sat and talked with him and then we went to a park to talk. I also let my dr office know what was going on and waited for my dr to call back. We got home and she finally called. I told her what was going on and she said: either go pick up these pills I called in or go to the hospital. Well once again Im stubborn. So I basically told her no I wasnt going to go in. But then while taking a shower with Johnny I broke down crying and had a strong feeling to go in. So I got ready, got a blessing and said bye to the family. While I was doing so, I got a text from sperm donor and it made me go ballistic. I was so beyond pissed that he would text me after I told him never to talk to me again. Johnny drove me up to Provo e.r. and then we sat there from 7 pm to 1 am waiting. I finally went upstairs to start my 4 day journey of getting new meds, talking with counselors, group therapy, and healing. It was honestly worth every dime, time and effort put into it. It was hard Im not gonna lie and my depression is still kinda here but it helped a lot. I have to say I was honestly the sanest person there. My problems felt like nothing compared to some of the stories I heard. I made a couple of new friends whom are going threw kinda the same thing. They are awesome girls. I want to say a special thanks to hubs for being there evey day when you were aloud to be and calling and being supportive even though I know it was hard. Also thanks to those who stopped by or called. Also those who kept us in your prayers. It means a lot. Since getting out I have a ton of stress, which of course is alwyas gonna be there. I handeled one BIG stressor. His name is Mark and is my "dad". I went to the cops and told them all thats been going on and told him to leave me alone or I can slap a stalker report and phone harrasment on him. Hopefully he will get the picture. One down. More to go. I start therapy on monday in provo and will be going to another one here in town. Im also on new meds which are so far good. As far as Tristan goes, I came home and he is fully crawling. UH-OH!!!! He climbs stairs too. He so much fun though. His K-9 wasnt actually his K-9. He has his top left front tooth and the one next to that and is getting the two on the other side.His smile is funny. I think he should be a vampire for halloween. Below are some pics from bath time, Johnny and Tristan with crazy after a hard day hair, and my new hair cut and color. Anyways my sleep med is kicking in so until next time.

First your probably wondering why my blog isnt blocked anymore. There are a few (old) people who cant figure the whole being blocked thing out. So I honestly dont care if HE can read it. I told him it was blocked so lets hope he stops trying. anyways. Things have been crazy around here. Tristan not only fully has his bottom two teeth but he is now getting his top right side K-9 tooth.

Ugh. This has been the hardest tooth yet. He has been a terror. Plus hes sick. It hasnt been a good week. He only wantss to sleep with his head on my chest so he can hear my heart beat. Which is really hard when I cant sit still and he gets pissed when I move. And now I'm pretty sure I have strep throat. Again. Yum. I need to get those tonsils out so that it will stop. Every year for the past who knows how long I have gotten that and bronchitis. I went to an ortho surgeon last week to figure out my knee. He said just from feeling it he thinks there is a small ligament tear and the MRI confirmed that.Which they didnt see before. He also said my cartilage could be bruised. He gave me some anti-inflamatories(?) and told me to wait 3-6 moonths and hopefully it will be better. If not he recommends a scope so he can see and fix whats going on. Also this post pardum thing is still not gone :( Some days it just gets worse. Im on anti depressants and also just got on anxiety pills to help. It just sucks and I want it all gone. Anyways. Back to eating my mashed potatoes cuz its all that doesnt hurt to eat.

Slacking

Yea Ive been a slacker. Ive just been too busy or too lazy to post anything. Alot has been going on. I had to get an MRI last month cuz of my migraines and eyes hurting. I also went to a neurologist and a eye dr. From both of them and the MRI I still have no idea what is wrong. They gave me some meds to try but they arent strong enough or the others knock me out. So bacically I suffer. Ive had them for so long I just have learned to deal with them. Johnny has been working, working, working. Well kinda at least. His section at work has produced the parts they need but the people who buy them usually arent buying them. So he basically sits around all day. Tristan has had his stupid HELLmet :D on now for 3 weeks. It has literally been hell having that thing. It worked out great for almost a week. Then he fell off the bed and we left it off for that night. The next morning I could not get it for the life of me. I started having an anixety attack cuz it was making him cry and wouldnt go on. I felt terrible. So I drove back up to salt lake and had them fix it. Well he didnt fix it right. It put pressure on his skull and it caused a welt about a quarter size and stuck out about an inch. It killed him. So I drove back up to Salt lake and had them fix it again. This time he put a bubble where that welt was. Now he just freaking hates that stupid thing and screams bloody murder whenever we put it on. He also sits there and shakes his head no when we bring it out which of course makes it harder to put on. He will start doing the purple cry. Lips are purple and he makes no noise for a while. I absolutely hate it. I have also been getting a lot of photography practice. With friends doing shoots and Megan taking me and showing me a few pointers. I love taking pictures and cant wait till Im as good as the best. The video is funny at the bottom. Johnny was playing basketball and Tristan found it hilarious. Enjoy.

Teeth?!?!

To start, I am very sad because we have found a tooth popped out and another one coming on Tristan's bottom row. Its sad because that means my baby is growing up, and I DONT WANT HIM TO!!!!!

Everyone says its ok but for me no its not. I want him to stay small. Hes also getting to crawling. He knows he wants to and knows how but just stops and gives up. He'd rather walk. Which is what I did. Walked first. I guess I just have to come to realize he is growing and I cant stop him. Soon I will want more :D jk. Its been pretty crazy around here for us. Johnny and I went to the Blink 182 and Taking Back Sunday concert on Labor Day. We had GA so we were front and center. That is until Blink was about to get on and this fat mexican chick and her bf all of a sudden ram through the crowd shoving people aside and stand right in front of Johnny and I. So I said "really?!" and shes all yea Im gonna stand here now. So I stand back to back with her cuz well she stunk and I didnt wanna smell her. So I keep pushing back on her and finally she says "Im gonna fart on you!!" So I reply "Pretty sure my son has pooped in my face before so I could care less. But I REALLY have to pee and Im gonna pee on you!!" So she says ewww and scoots away. Mission accomplished!! I even got a few high fives from the surrounding 14 yr olds. ha. Anyways. About 2 songs in I couldn't breathe and was about to pass out so I had Johnny and his friend and a few other guys boost me up and there I was. Crowd surfing to the front. Then I was about 5 feet from the band. It was awesome!!! Then I gave my brother my wrist band and ticket and he went down to GA while I sat with his wife. He had a blast. I guess shortly after I got out Johnny did too. But we found some seats close and it was a better view then GA. Especially with fat mexicans in your way. We also had to take Tristan up to get his helmet fitted. That was H*** and I almost cried because of how sad he was. It was just not a good experience and Im glad its over. Friday is when we pick up the actual helmet. Yay! Last Thursday at work Johnny somehow splashed a mixture of coolent, chalk, grit, diamond and a bunch of stuff more into his eye. He called on his way home and said he could barely keep his eye open and the other was beginning to shut. When he got home I tried to clean it out with eye wash and water and still it was swollen red and killing him.

So Friday he went to work and it didnt get better so he went to workmed which sent him to an eye specialist who told him he has a 2nd degree infection and chemical burn. Yum right. ha. He is still not back to work and was told not to go back till wed. Which is good because more time together. The other day I decided to put some build a bear boxers, that were on a turtle I gave to Johnny, on Tristan. They are the perfect size and they are soooo cute on him. Kinda obsessed with them now. One of Tristan's new favorite things is to pat my shoulder while I pat his back. Its really cute.

Squirrels?!

So the other night Tristan and I slept at my fruit loop pooping girlfriends house :D haha. So anyways we all all three laying in her bed and my back was to the bedroom door. And the whole reason I was spending the night was cuz maggie watched a scary movie the night before and Steve(her hubby) works construction and wouldn't be home that night and she was scarred. So as Im laying there I kept turning my head to the door and said "Im scarred of open doors" she says: theres nothing to be scarred of. I reply: "We have to be scared of the Giant Squirrels" To which she says, and I wasnt prepared for "Silly we dont have any nuts!" We both were once again uncontrollably laughing with tears streaming down our faces. Ha. We really shouldnt be aloud to get together with harldy any sleep. Anyways. Your probably wondering why our blog is blocked now. Well I decided I was sick of the sperm donor of a dad looking into our life and seeing his grandson even though he hates me and treats me like ****. So yea. My way of shutting him out even more. My comp is finally fixed and so here is picture overload. WARNING!!!! Little man nutity :D couldnt resist I love my biys when they are quiet and sleeping :D His bum is the best. Hes gots dads big bum. Listen lady....NO MORE PICTURES!!!! Just waiting for the doctor!! Still waiting (this face is my fav) Me and mama @ dr My girl Kayla Mom and I were tired after walk Naked and outdoors. What could be better?! Like father like son :D My studs

Once Apon A Time......

There was a little guy named Tristan Cade. When Tristan was born his head was flat on one side in the back which is called Plagiocephaly. We kept an eye on it and hoped it would flatten back out. Well his 6 month check up came and still no rounding. So the dr suggested we go see a specialist. One day my bestie Maggie and I ventured to Salt Lake to Primary Childrens to see about a helmet. After eating lunch with 2 of my favorite aunts ever, we then arrived at Primary's. (13 mins late) They had a sign that said people arriving 15 mins late might have to rescheduale. Id be pissed cuz I live so far away. Anyways. Back to my story. So we sat in the waiting room looking a some cute kids and some not so much. Then we heard it...."TRISTAN TERRY?!?!?!" It was our turn. FINALLY! I mean we only waited for like an hour. So the nurse asked a TON of questions and as soon as she walked out the dr walked in. Along with like 10 other people. Id have to say this room was maybe 10 ft by 6 ft. And a bed a stoller were taking up most of the space. Can you say claustrophobia? It was hard to sit still. I almost needed oxygen. So he said " well your baby should get a helmet. You can wait and see if it decides to grow out on its own or go ahead and do it." So not taking the risk I said lets do it. He explained a few things and walked out. Almost immediatley the helmet rep dude walked in. (now heres where it gets fun and funny) As hes opening the door. Maggie stands up to stretch quickly and as she does so there are like 3 Fruit Loops sitting on her chair. So I start laughing and say "did you just poop fruit loops?!" (obviously we are in a childrens hospital so I know how they got there. It wad just lack of sleep) Well apparently all the guy heard was poop fruit loops and he just looks at us laughinjg girls and says "I dont even wanna know!!" So I said "but I have to explain cuz its not what you think." So I told him what happened and we all just sat there uncontrollably laughing. Then after we were able to calm ourselves and act like adults he explained what would be happening. During this I kept accidentally saying "WE" meaning of course Johnny and I and forgetting that Maggie was sitting next to me. And she occasionally asked a couple of questions. You could clearly tell by the end that he thought we were...well....Lesbians. We both had wedding rings on, there was a baby, I kept saying WE, and she asked questions too. At one point he even started talking mainly to her and saying ladies do you have any further questions. When he left we definely got a kick outta it. While in there I mentioned where I lived and he was like well if my office wasnt closed Id have you go now. Sorry. We packed up our stuff and ventured back to our car. Im on the phone with hubs and all of a sudden I hear a man yelling. Dont know what he said but it was the rep guy outta breathe. He chased us to let me know that there was still people at his clinis and they will take us in the next 5 min if we got there. Luckily it was like 2 min away. So I thanked him and he left. As soon as hes outta sight Maggie starts laughing histarically and even has tears streaming down her face. (once again we have had no sleep) Once she is finally able to speak she says "did you hear what he called us? He yelled "HEY FRUIT LOOP GIRLS!!!!" So I start laughing and it was horrible cuz we both could barely breathe. It was worth it though. So I sped off tho the other office where Tristan got measurements of his head and pictures of it too. So they said they will submit it to our insurance and see how much they will cover. Now we just wait for a call then go up for a mold to be made then he will finally get it after a couple weeks. So it wont be for almost a month or so until we get it.


Happy 22nd Birthday to my hubs Johnny. I love you babe. Your getting kinda old though:D But I still love you soooo much. Just like Tristan's shirt says "daddy is my superhero!" Thats how we both feel. Love you speedy :D
P.S. I would write 22 things I love about you but at the moment my brain is barely working but Ill do it soon


Our comp is still broken and so I cant put pics up. Here are a few from my phone though.

laptop is sick

Yea our laptop has a deep troan virus I guess. Friend is fixing it. As soon as its fixed then i will officially update with pics too. I have a lot to update with. Untill then. Peace :D

Hospitals should have a special room for our family

Ok so I have gone to the hospital twice in less then a week. Once for Tristan and once for me. Tristan and I went to Aunt Kathee's house in Layton again and the whole time he was tired and screaming and fighting to fall asleep and when he finally did fall asleep he only slept for about 30 min. They he didnt wanna eat. Didnt wanna be held. Nothing. So on my way home he was creaming bloody murder for about an hour or so and I finally tried to take him to instacare but of course they close at 10 and I got there at 10:05. Just my luck. So they suggested I go to Primary Childrens. So I did. After 4 hrs they gave me medicine for thrush again. Meds for constipation. He is still putting up a fight but not as bad as it was. On the second day of no sleep and him screaming I finally broke down. At one point I was having really bad thoughts about Tristan and at one point I started to squeeze him then shoved the bottle in his mouth. Then I started crying and brought him to my aunt. She woke up and took him and I just bawled myself to sleep. It was horrible. Im just glad I didnt go any further. Im glad I was able to stop myself. Today I went to the hospital because I got a concussion(?). I honestlty cant count the amount of concussions I have had in my life. Obviously toooooo many. :D What happened was I was laying down with Tristan outside and I was laying back to talk to Jared who was standing above me. I was positive that I was no where near the sidewalk. Well apparently I wasnt. SMACK!!! I slammed straight into the corner. Hard too. I completely blacked out. Jared said that it was really loud and knew it hurt. So Johnny and mom told me not to be stubborn and go to the hospital. Nothing is wrong other then a concussion. Now Im just in a lot of pain. UGH!!! Today my little sister Emma went back to Cali. Her and my dad Adam were out for a couple of days to bring their stuff to a storage unit. She came down sunday night and slept over. We had fun and it was good to spend time with her. Although we were bummed we couldn't play Rock Band cuz the PS3 was broken. They move out in November but thats a long ways away still. Also my sister in law Amber had her baby Sunday morning. She is so freaking cute. And one of my besties Whitney had her little man Owen. Hes in the NICU cuz he pooped in the womb and breathed it in. I cant wait to meet him. Also my knee doesnt feel any better. Sometimes it feels worse.

The Patch that they put medicine into my knee with. FREAKING KILLS!!

For some reason my skin broke out from it.


He can finally hold his big head still and sit on his own :D






Chelle is gonna kill me but....yea. She got a nose bleed and stuck a tampon in her nose