1.22.2011

These are in no particular order. Some pictures from last year are stuck on my dead POS laptop. One day I shall retrieve them. Also the pictures at the temple are kinda fuzzy because I dropped my Nikon on Christmas and have to hold the lens in place to take pictures. That will hopefully soon be fixed too. I dont usually get the things I want fixed or new things because Tristan and soon to be little miss are far more important to me and I spend all extra money on them. One day maybe I'll spend money on the things I need. The one thing I am investing in hopefully this week is a full body, body pillow for preggos. Man do I need it for my hips!!! Pregnancy KILLS my lower back and hips. I can get massage after massage and go to the chiropractor everyday but the second i wake up in the morning Im dead!!! Sacrifice is what it is and it's worth it. Little miss is a freaking kicker and mover. Jeez. I dont remember Tristan being this active. Life has been pretty stressful for us financially at least but we just cut back to only things we need and if theres extra then there's extra. We make it work. We are also still struggling with sickness. I started out with a sinus infection on the left side and Im pretty sure it jumped to the left. Tristan had the flu last weekend and is finally getting over his nasty cough. I can tell his throat is sore and dry still though. I am also now having throat issues. I wouldn't be surprised if mine turns into strep seeing that I get it every single year around this time. Tristan is almost 2 and man oh man is he showing it. Has been for a while now. Some days he is a little angel who is a flirt and a lover and other days...well just stear clear. He is doing and saying the funniest things though. I sometimes just sit and wonder where the heck he got it from because its random and out there. He likes to put hats, pants, bags (it only fits on top of head i promise) and anything that resembles a hat and sway back and forth saying "gangsta gang gang sta". I taught him that months ago but now he just does it and its hilarious. He also is on a sniffing kick. He scrunches his nose and sniffs things to be funny. The face is priceless and Im still trying to get a picture. Another new thing is he will randomly put his hand over your mouth and shush you. He thinks its very funny which it is at times. But like I said he can be a terror!!!! We are struggling, STILL, with the whole sleeping in your own bed thing. When sister comes he is not aloud to sleep in our room so he better get it down before May.












1.13.2011

11 lessons before parenting

I got a huge laugh outta this. Hopefully you do too :D

Lesson 1
1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.
Lesson 2
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their... 1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior. Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.
Lesson 3
A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...
1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)
Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.
Lesson 4
Can you stand the mess children make? T o find out...
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?
Lesson 5
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out. Time allowed for this -all morning. Lesson 6
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.
Lesson 7
Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.
Lesson 8
1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air. You are now ready to feed a nine-month-old baby. Lesson 9
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.
Lesson 10
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.
Lesson 11
Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt-sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room. This is all very tongue in cheek; anyone who is parent will say 'it's all worth it!' Share it with your friends, both those who do and don't have kids. I guarantee they'll get a chuckle out of it. Remember, a sense of humor is one of the most important things you'll need when you become a parent!