One of the worst day I've had to deal with. Someone close, like family, suddenly died. I remember when I got the call. I was carpet cleaning my office and john bought me the phone. I had a few texts and missed calls. i look down and it said Landen was calling me. Immediately i though something was wrong. I remember hearing him talking very quiet and I wasn't prepared for what he said. "Sarah my daddy died." It didn't register so I asked him to repeat and this time and he started crying and said my daddy died. I said Ill be right there. I left the carpet cleaner on, slipped on some flip flops and bolted out the door yelling "brian died. I gotta go." it was 11 degrees outside and i was in shorts and flip flops and there was snow on the ground but all that mattered is that I needed to get to my babies and their mom. I made it from af to their house in orem in 4 mins. Thank you dodge charger. As soon as I opened the door Bella grabbed me and held on tight, We bawled. It didn't hit me till that moment. I've never want to have to hold a 14 yr old cuz her dad died. Its a horrible feeling. I then went and hugged Teresa for days. Dev was downstairs punching things and pissed off. I stopped him for hitting another wall and just hugged him. Hes 6 something so hes obviously way taller than me. But the hug felt like i was hugging a 4 yr old. And as soon as he started crying he turned away from me.
Until this day I have never been this close to someone passing. I saw the guy everyday. Ive had many deaths in the last 2 years and Im kinda ready to be done. It is heart wrenching to have to watch your bff loose her husband and bff. To watch an 17 yr old and a 16 yr old loose their role model, support and father. To watch a 15 yr old and 14 yr old loose their daddy. Their bff, protector, security, and love of their life. I loss a great guy who loved his family and was the best dad around. His kids looked up to him for support and help. He was always ready to help his kids in anyway. He was VERY protective of whit and bella. it took him a bit to trust me and know it was ok for them to be around me. In 2012 whitley fell off a swing and sliced her leg open. It was a er visit for sure. I heard commotion and so I went to look and he carried her like a bodyguard getting away from paparazzi. He wasn't to fond of me yet and thought I was there to make fun of whit. He then found out i was trying to help and was very sorry and happy.
Its been a rough year without him. Ive stepped in as comic relief. I try my hardest to keep spirits high for them. Im just soooo angry. Even still now. Angry that Heavenly Father took him from a family with kids. A family that needs their dad and a wife who is alone without her best friend. Angry because then and most of the year I have been suicidal and want to just be dead. And although I have to be here with my kids I just wished that I could just end it all. And yet he was taken from us.
He won't be there for dances, graduation, marriage, grandkids etc. I know first hand that it sticks to not have dad around (mine by choice) To not have a dad to be there for you when you need him. I watch my bff cry all the time and is pain daily from loosing her bff. I see 4 kids also in pain. Deven, landen, bella and whitley I love you guys so much and I know your parents do too. Your dad is just watching from a different angle.
Brian you're loved and missed every day. Ijust can't believe Iits been a year
