Terry Terrors

Its been 2 years since my last post. A lot has happened between then and now. Last time i blogged miss Blakely was 3 months old. She is 2 1/2. Tristan is now 4 1/2. They keep me busy that's for sure. Tristan is in preschool 3 times a week. The few hours he is there gives Blakely and I a little mommy daughter time. I need time away from him most days. His energy is outta this world. He gets that from yours truly. They both keep me up on my toes that's for sure.

Warning. Honest openness is written on this blog. Starting....now....
Its been a rough year and a half. We moved to af and have been here over a year. Which is a long time considering our recent places. We were basically forced to moved due to an old neighbor harassing the crap outta me and my family. So We found it best to just leave. And so far it has been calm calm calm. He still tells neighbors that i am the reason for things that go on. Move on bro. You're 45 and single. He honestly is pissed because i rejected his moves on me. I'm thankful its over. During last summer I was having a hard time with a death and an anniversary of a friends death. And then dealing with the harassment only made it worse. I was in a VERY low state and was having some psychosis going on. From the parts I remember it was HORRIBLE. My kids had to see mom in a way they shouldn't have to. I was eventually taken to the hospital for inpatient help. There was many fights between the neighbor, my dr's, close friends and john that happened. And for the most part I wasn't mentally even there. After my stay I was really good. We moved quickly with the help of my Dr. And I was awesome for almost 5 months. Of course I had my up and downs but not bottom pits. February came and a fight broke out between my mom and brother at tristans birthday party. I somehow got blamed for it. I eventually chewed my brother out for the way he acted and the way he was treating me and kicked him out and told him he's no longer welcome. And I still have yet to talk to him. I'm not going to be pushed around by an 13 yr old and have him tell me and my kids what to do. And because of it my mom still isn't talking to me. Again. Same thing. Different year. If there's a fight it usually have My brother as the main reason. Although she would disagree. But whatever. Its water in the river. I have definitely had my downs this year. So down I eventually checked myself in to hospital. I was at the point of standing in the kitchen holding my meds and convincing myself to just take one. Sitting in the office playing with a razor. Writing things I shouldn't be writing. And when I'm as black as I have been I just want out. I don't like feeling that way. I want my kids to have a mom that is happy and healthy. But at the some time I want the pain gone. I love my family more than anything. And I'd do anything for them. Which is why I've gotten help and am getting help. I had a lady call me a bad mom for abandoning my kids to go to hospital. You're right getting help is abandonment. There is never a second I'm not thinking of how to be what they need. deserve.
I'm on 3 weeks now of feeling great. It scares me but I'm happy at the same time. I've been crafting like crazy and keeping up on cleaning house.